I just wish this fear didn't exist anymore. All of the worrying I do everyday...I'm so scared of losing everything or just history repeating itself. I guess I do have anxiety, but I've never thought of personally dealing with this in my life ever so idk what to do about it?
It seems like every solution I come up with or strategy I try out never seems to work.
I've tried to distract myself, but it always just seems to make whatever it is that's "entertainment" just seem really pointless.
I've tried to be stronger but I always end up breaking down at some point and the more unfavorable side of me just takes over.
I've tried to be around other people and talk to them, but no matter what good advice I get I always end up crumbling and feeling the same shitty way again.

This is horrible..how did I get to be this way?
I never thought I'd hate myself again in my life.
Not like before.
But I do now, I just sometimes look at the way I react to things and I suddenly feel hatred all over again.

I think that no matter what the only thing that could ever possibly help would be myself.
I feel like I'm so stuck down deep in a hole that I just can't see what's above me clearly.
Like someday I'll look up and then I'll be able to finally realize that this whole time, I've been blind to my own happiness.
I know I'm not a hopeless case, so I know I can't lose hope in things getting better.

Still, though, this is getting harder everyday.