I have no idea what this time has brought me.

I can't remember anything anymore, again. I feel lost.
I don't know what's best for me, him, us. 
I feel like I'm regressing, and going back to the old, horrible person I used to be.

I want to be selfish and say that I'm just going to do what's best for me (so that I don't get hurt every time something small happens) but at the same time I know that it will lead me to make decisions that aren't really healthy. I'll start living for myself and never grow or learn how to overcome my personal issues.

It's kind of retarded, but I'm really only like this when it comes to really personal relationships. I do not act like this at all with other people. I'm really casual. It's way less extreme than this.

I don't know..I just don't want to become this crazy girl who always needs attention to feel complete.
But it's just fucking ANNOYING cause I don't need attention when I'm like actually single and I don't need another person there...
But at the same time, I'm really happy with our relationship...he makes me so happy. So I'm just really confused, AUGH.
I wish the answer would come to me really convenient, like.

Until then, I'm lost in limbo and can't stretch my legs or be myself, because I have this constant fear of what other bad things are going to happen again.
I wish I could talk to someone about this...but who would really care to listen to my petty problems. That's really what they are...
life was much simpler several months ago..I don't know why my heart keeps tricking itself.